1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:11,040
DUNLOD MUVEE:
YTS.MX
2
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:10,000
Get free Bitcoin:
is.gd/cointip
3
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,030
WOMAN: Oh, Sid.
4
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,190
(MOANING)
5
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,910
Oh, Sid!
6
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,230
(GIGGLING)
7
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,910
(WOMAN MOANING LOUDLY)
8
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,230
(CAT MEOWING)
9
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,230
(WOMAN SCREAMS WITH PLEASURE)
10
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,750
-I don't feel like going to work this morning.
-Can't you take the day off?
11
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,590
No. I get bored sitting around all day
doing nothing.
12
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,670
You wouldn't get bored
with me around, Sidney.
13
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,310
I'll put the kettle on.
14
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,750
(SID YAWNS)
15
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,230
Some plumber.
16
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,550
-You know a lot of people, don't you?
-Eh?
17
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,630
-All those people writing to you.
-They're bills, darling, bills.
18
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,190
Oh, bills.
19
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,880
"And after repeated applications
having been ignored,
20
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:48,190
"we shall be forced to recIaim the property
within the next 10 days."
21
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,430
Ah, well. There goes the record player.
22
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,270
Oh, I didn't know you had a player.
Let's put a record on.
23
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,710
I told you, I'm late.
24
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,230
Look, for Christ's sake,
make yourself useful. The kettle's boiling.
25
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,740
Sid, it's lovely and warm in here.
26
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,790
I'll tell you what, I'll have a little nap.
27
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,830
When you've gone to work,
I'll get up and make you my speciality.
28
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,870
I've already had your speciality.
Get your arse out of that bed.
29
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,430
You don't mince your words, do you?
30
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:44,070
-You made that tea yet?
-I'm already drinking mine.
31
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,870
Oh, you're not back in bed again.
32
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,390
Well, you were leaping up and down on me
all night. I'm utterly exhausted.
33
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,980
Well, I didn't hear you complaining.
34
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:59,190
Come on, girI. I'll give you a lift.
I want to get out of here before...
35
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:00,790
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
36
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,950
Bloody hell, here he is. Adolf.
Come on, come on.
37
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,150
It's Monday.
38
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,590
I forgot all about the rent. I'm terribly sorry.
I haven't got it, I'm afraid.
39
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,830
You can't go on
being terribly sorry, Mr South.
40
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,590
It's five weeks now.
41
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:25,790
I'm afraid this matter will shortly be
in the implacable hands of our computer.
42
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,590
Not the computer!
43
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,710
-What will it do to me?
-Send you an eviction notice.
44
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,350
-Now you wouldn't like that, would you?
-No, I wouldn't like that, would I?
45
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,230
Well, you'd better get your finger out,
hadn't you? Good day.
46
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,390
Here, Adolf. You forgot your machine gun.
47
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:52,510
NEIGHBOUR: Oh, Mr South, here's your
gas bill. Oh, and while I'm about it,
48
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,910
do you mind making
a little less noise of a morning?
49
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,350
It's not that I'm narrow-minded,
but enough's enough.
50
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,030
Ain't you ready yet?
What you hanging about for?
51
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,150
-Have you seen what's happened to my...
-Come on.
52
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,550
I've seen some dizzy birds in my time,
but you take the bleeding biscuit.
53
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:10,000
Earn without investing:
is.gd/freegram
54
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,990
All right, I'll see you later then, darling.
Ta-da.
55
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,950
-What's that supposed to mean?
-What it says.
56
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,110
So that's all it meant?
Well, thank you very much.
57
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,310
I've got your phone number.
I'll call you, all right?
58
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:20,630
Yeah. I'll bet.
59
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,380
Once you get what you want,
you can't wait to pull the next one, can you?
60
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,980
What's that got to do with love,
that's what I'd like to know.
61
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,110
Hark at her! Who said anything about love?
62
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,020
You did! Last night.
You don't even remember, do you?
63
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,230
-It so happens I've got feelings.
-Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
64
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:38,790
When I get home tonight,
I'll call you, all right?
65
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,300
Don't bother.
I never want to see you or it again.
66
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,500
Shh!
67
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,180
Don't you shush me! I want the whole world
to know what you're like.
68
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,150
Look, everybody, the original Mr Big.
69
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,950
Except where it counts,
you male chauvinist pig.
70
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:54,300
Knickers.
71
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,350
(SCREAMING)
72
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,550
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
73
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:23,710
Hello?
74
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,990
BA Crapper Limited.
Plumbing and Sanitary Installations.
75
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:29,910
Yes.
76
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:36,030
I'm sorry, madam. No. I can't help you.
I'm afraid all my men are out on jobs.
77
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:41,310
Yes. Well, I'll take the address down. Yes.
Yes. Thank you. Yeah.
78
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:45,190
Yes. It is humanly possible. Yes, yes.
79
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,390
Thank you. Bye-bye.
80
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,550
Morning, Crappie.
81
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,750
What did you want to do that for?
That was red hot.
82
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,070
Blimey! What time do you call this?
83
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,670
-You should have been here at 8:00.
-Why? What happened?
84
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:07,230
How do you expect me to run my business
with lazy hounds like you on the books, eh?
85
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,030
Come on, Crappie.
I'm up to my eyeballs in debt.
86
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,830
Sort us out some decent jobs, will you?
87
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,520
As a matter of fact, I was thinking of
crossing you off my register.
88
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,310
Leave it out.
You wouldn't survive without me.
89
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,190
Well, you're lucky as it so happens.
90
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,310
-Something's just come in.
-Yeah?
91
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,390
A bit of plumbing and a lavatory seat to fix.
92
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,750
-And, Sid...
-Yeah.
93
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,910
-Try and do a good job, eh? Eh?
-Crappie.
94
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,470
What is it?
95
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,710
I love you.
96
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,670
Don't be so blooming familiar.
97
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:10,000
Claim free libra:
IS.GD/FREELIBRA
98
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,470
Oh! I'm very sorry.
99
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,550
It happens all the while.
Come in, Mr plumber.
100
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,190
You don't mind me watching, do you?
101
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,150
No, I don't mind you watching.
102
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,630
-You Iive here all aIone?
-At the moment.
103
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,990
Bill's away. That's my husband.
104
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,390
He's been away almost a year now.
105
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,590
I've almost forgotten what he looks like.
Are you married?
106
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,190
-No. It's not my scene.
-You'd make a lovely husband.
107
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,390
-What makes you say that?
-Women get a feeling about these things.
108
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,670
-Oh, yeah?
-I must make the bed.
109
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,620
Give me a call when you've finished.
110
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:57,710
♪ It's your birthday, dear Sid
♪ It's your birthday, dear Sid
111
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,530
♪ It's your birthday, dear Sidney
112
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,070
(WHISTLING)
113
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,150
(CONTINUES WHISTLING)
114
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,390
-I've finished!
-Oh, good!
115
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,710
Do you mind if I take the old seat away?
It might come in useful.
116
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,910
Do what you like with it!
Come and get your money!
117
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,350
Door opposite the bathroom.
118
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,030
Come in.
119
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,070
That'll be £20.
120
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,870
My cheque book's on the dressing table.
WouId you bring it over here?
121
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,740
Sit down.
122
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,190
(CLINKING)
123
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,620
What are you doing?
124
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:28,230
You have me at your mercy.
I'm in your power. I'm helpless.
125
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,790
-Rubbish.
-They bind me to you. I'm yours.
126
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,870
Do with me what you will.
127
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,190
Well, you might have waited
till I'd got my shirt off.
128
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:43,270
Oh. Oh! What a lovely hairy chest.
Oh, you're so powerful, so overwhelming.
129
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,590
Here, what about your husband?
130
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,030
-Bill! Where are you?
-Yeah. Where is he?
131
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,510
In prison. He won't be out till tomorrow.
132
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,550
We've got one whole day
to be really naughty.
133
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,750
-Oi.
-Hello, Bill.
134
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,470
You want to go straight home?
135
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:43,270
No, no. She's not expecting me till tomorrow.
She don't like surprises.
136
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,960
By the way,
where exactly did you hide them?
137
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,150
Cor blimey, I've only been out five minutes.
138
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,350
Here, pull up at that phone box.
I'm going to ring her.
139
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,150
Can't wait to get my teeth
in one of her chicken fricassees.
140
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,550
Chicken fricassees!
141
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,950
200 grand's worth of gold bars
hanging about,
142
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,670
all you can think about is chicken fricassees.
Cor blimey!
143
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,230
You are my master, I am your slave.
144
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:12,590
Be rough with me. Quick, quickly.
145
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,390
-Just a minute.
-What?
146
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,710
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
147
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:40,710
Hello?
148
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,830
Janice? Hello, my love.
149
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,910
Why, it's me, Billy. Yeah.
I'm on me way home.
150
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,910
Yeah, now. Keep the bed warm, darling, eh?
151
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,340
-Bloody hell.
-What?
152
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,150
I must have got the day wrong.
He's on his way back.
153
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,910
-What?
-Trust him to spoil everything.
154
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,470
-What are you looking for?
-The key.
155
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,580
-What key?
-The key to this.
156
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,540
Oh, don't tell me you can't find it.
157
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,620
-I know. It's in my handbag.
-Where's that?
158
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,430
-Downstairs.
-Right.
159
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,750
Oh!
160
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,220
Help.
161
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,870
Cor, I don't half fancy a drink.
162
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,230
Food, sex and drink.
That's all you think about.
163
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,590
Here, hold on. I've been inside
for more than a year, you know.
164
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,550
That was your stupid fault.
165
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,190
I could have understood it
if you'd got nicked for the gold,
166
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,310
but doing over a copper... I ask you!
167
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,230
-Well, I'd had a few, hadn't I?
-Yeah.
168
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:50,870
Got carried away.
Here, there's a pub over there.
169
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,590
-Where was he phoning from?
-From a call box.
170
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,230
Bloody marvellous.
171
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,230
Ah!
172
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,190
That was smashing. Fancy another one?
173
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,590
You still ain't told me
what you done with the gold.
174
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,230
-I melted it down.
-You what?
175
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:35,630
Shh!
176
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,230
I couldn't keep it hanging about.
I had to get rid of it.
177
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:39,420
So where is it?
178
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,110
You'd never guess
in a million years, old son.
179
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,830
-Then tell me.
-It's at home.
180
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,430
You must be out of your mind.
The police can search there any time.
181
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,990
That's right.
They already have, half a dozen times.
182
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:55,870
They never found anything, never will.
Even the old woman don't know where it is.
183
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,030
Come on, have another pint.
184
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,430
I don't believe it. I don't believe it.
185
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,590
JANICE: Oh, my God.
186
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,910
You crafty old sod.
187
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,030
Ah, it was so simple.
I used a welding torch, see.
188
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,990
It was the mould that was the difficult part.
189
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:24,510
I tried out plaster of Paris,
but it wouldn't stand the heat, so I used clay.
190
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,510
-Looks like the real thing?
-You couldn't tell the difference.
191
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,070
Except it's a bit heavy-like. Yeah.
192
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,550
A stroke of bloody genius, weren't it?
193
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,950
-Talk about sitting on a fortune.
-I'll tell you something else, sunshine.
194
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,790
-I've got a buyer lined up for it.
-Drink up, then. Let's not keep him waiting.
195
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,830
Come on, come on.
196
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,430
It's not there.
197
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,390
Wait a minute. I remember now.
198
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,350
It's in my housecoat.
199
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,020
And where exactly is your housecoat?
200
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,870
-In the bedroom.
-In the bedroom.
201
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,750
(LAUGHING)
202
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:26,670
What?
203
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,670
-Are you sure it's in your housecoat?
-I think so.
204
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,870
Hang about, hang about.
205
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,950
It's all right, all right.
206
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,150
What was he inside for?
207
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,230
Grievous bodily harm.
208
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,870
How much for this, mate?
209
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,580
-Here. What's this?
-It's covered in brown paint.
210
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,950
I'll have to pay someone
to scrape it off, won't I?
211
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:21,030
-What are you talking about? It's an antique.
-Look, mate, that's all it's worth to me.
212
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,510
If you want it back, pick it up and piss off.
213
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,030
-Wotcha, Suse?
-Hi.
214
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,030
-What's on today then, eh?
-Sausages. All right?
215
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,310
Suppose it'll have to be.
Bottle of brown, please.
216
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,630
-Here, you look well. You been away?
-Yeah. Been down to my mum's.
217
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,110
-Costa del Bognor.
-Oh, yeah.
218
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,270
-Hello, Blackie.
-Ain't seen much of you lately, have we?
219
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,630
-Well...
-You know what I think?
220
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,630
I think that you owe someone some money.
Don't he, Stropper?
221
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:25,150
-Like about 900 nicker.
-Well, you don't think I've forgotten, do you?
222
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,150
Come on, you know me.
I'm a man of me word.
223
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:31,030
So's the guv'nor.
He says some beautiful ones about you.
224
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,990
Lovely ones.
He even wrote them down for us.
225
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,580
Says here,
"Tell that lying git that if he don't cough up,
226
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:50,220
"we'll break every bone in his horrible body
and stuff the bleeding lot down his throat."
227
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:55,150
Like poetry, isn't it?
228
00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,870
-Are you threatening me?
-Do you hear what he says, Stropper?
229
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,590
(TUTTING)
230
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,470
-Anything I can get you boys?
-That's all right, love.
231
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,160
We just popped in to have a talk
with our mate here, didn't we?
232
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,950
Keep your voice down, Blackie.
These people are friends of mine.
233
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:18,550
That's all right. They'll be able to
visit you in hospital, won't they?
234
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,470
-What do you mean?
-He says, what do we mean?
235
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:23,630
Oh, leave it out.
236
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,710
Look, one hot tip
and you lot will be owing me money.
237
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,150
-You know what it's like.
-They never learn, do they?
238
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,470
I can't lose all the time.
It's against the law of averages.
239
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,590
Sometimes you're up,
sometimes you're down.
240
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,270
Yeah, that's right.
241
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,550
And if you don't come up with the readies
on Saturday, you'll be up!
242
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,510
-Up the bleeding creek, you understand?
-All right. All right.
243
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,750
Good. Nice to have seen you.
244
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,470
Come on, Stropper. You've had your say.
245
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,350
Oh! I forgot.
246
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,710
You know Willie Thompson, don't you?
247
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,070
-The electrician?
-Yeah, that's him.
248
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,070
He's in St Martin's Hospital.
Why don't you go up and see him?
249
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:11,830
He's had a terrible accident.
Like the one you'll be having.
250
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:14,670
Keep healthy.
251
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,830
Janice! It's me, darling. I'm home.
252
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:55,950
She must have gone shopping.
253
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,070
I'm not interested in that.
All I want to see is that gold.
254
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,390
Not only can you see it, old mate,
you can bloody use it. Come on up.
255
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:24,190
That's bloody marvellous.
You couldn't tell it from the real thing.
256
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,590
It's bleeding plastic.
257
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,790
Bloody right. What the hell's going on?
258
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:36,990
Billy!
259
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,710
You better start talking, you silly bitch.
Where's it gone, eh? Who's got it?
260
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,470
That lavatory seat you've got in the window.
261
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,990
Very unique piece, sir.
Came from a stately home.
262
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,390
Eleven quid.
263
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,390
I don't want to buy the stately home,
just the lavatory seat.
264
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,590
Cost me £8. I've got to make a profit.
265
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:23,990
Make it ten.
266
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,550
-Five?
-Six.
267
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:27,230
Five and a half?
268
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:28,820
Okay.
269
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,380
Willie?
270
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:29,670
Hello, Willie.
271
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:31,350
(GROANING SOFTLY)
272
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,870
Some people will do anything
to get a day off work.
273
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,270
You look like the invisible man.
274
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,590
Yeah. I heard you was laid up, mate.
I didn't think it was as bad as this.
275
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,150
What happened?
276
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,910
(MUMBLING)
277
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:50,710
Yeah, but who did it?
278
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,470
(MUMBLING)
279
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:54,590
Blackie.
280
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,310
Oh, not Blackie? His friend Stropper?
281
00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,830
(WILLIE AGREEING)
282
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,150
Oh, yeah.
283
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,190
Nice fella, Stropper.
284
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:06,510
(GROANS LOUDLY)
285
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,670
Oh! Sorry. I'm sorry, Willie.
286
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:12,990
(SCREAMING)
287
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,190
Sorry. I'm sorry, Willie. Sorry, Willie.
288
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,350
I'm sorry, Willie.
289
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,750
Here look, I bought you a dirty magazine.
290
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,790
Oh, yeah. I can see your problem.
291
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,510
Cheer up, Willie.
292
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,710
Did you hear about the fella
that had to have his leg amputated?
293
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,030
When he woke up from the operation,
294
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,990
the doctor said, "We got some good news,
we got some bad news.
295
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,230
"The bad news is
we've chopped the wrong leg off.
296
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,910
"The good news is
the other one's got better."
297
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,270
How much do you owe them, Willie?
It must have been a bloody fortune.
298
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,910
(MUFFLED) Uh-uh. 63.
299
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,910
63,000?
300
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,150
(MUFFLED) £63.
301
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:22,670
63 quid?
302
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,510
See you later, Willie.
303
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:37,190
Keep healthy.
304
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,630
(WILLIE SCREAMING)
305
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:48,150
-Cheer up. It may never happen.
-It already has.
306
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:52,510
Well, we've all got our problems.
Here, what is it? What's wrong?
307
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:57,910
-I'd prefer not to talk about it.
-PIease yourself. I was only trying to help.
308
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:01,830
I'm sorry.
309
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,230
Here you are. Get this down you.
310
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,710
-Oh, well, I haven't got any...
-Oh, it's all right. It's on the house.
311
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:15,980
Thanks.
312
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:17,660
(SIGHING)
313
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,550
Only a few more minutes to go,
I'm off earIy today.
314
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,630
-Nice one.
-Oh, look, there's your two friends.
315
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,750
Not speaking?
FriendIy sort of geezer, ain't he?
316
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:39,950
Come here.
317
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,460
Sit down.
318
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,750
Make yourself at home.
319
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,830
Now then, what have we done to upset you?
320
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,750
-Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
-Well, then...
321
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,750
Look, you'll get your money.
322
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,580
It's only a few hours since I saw you.
Give us a break, for Christ's sake.
323
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,390
-Have you been to see Willie?
-Yeah, I saw Willie.
324
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:10,300
Nice fella Willie.
He didn't deserve that bit of bad luck.
325
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,630
And all over a mere 63 quid.
Ridiculous, ain't it?
326
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,470
You've made your point. Don't rub it in.
327
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,110
In a hurry?
328
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,950
Oh, yeah. I've got to raise 900 quid
by the end of the week, haven't I?
329
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,670
So you have. And I've got an idea.
330
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:31,670
Why don't you go round and
see old Dodger? He might be able to help.
331
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:36,430
Dodger Harris? He's as bent as a corkscrew.
What do you think I am, a villain?
332
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,470
Did you hear me call him a villain?
It's you I'm thinking about.
333
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,910
900 quid's not an easy matter
to raise in three days.
334
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:50,190
-Oh! Well, I'm so glad you understand.
-Of course we understand.
335
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:53,390
That's why I said go round
and see old Dodger.
336
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,080
Because if you don't cough up,
337
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:59,670
what happened to Willie
will seem like an itchy elbow
338
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,260
compared to what's gonna happen to you.
339
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,950
-Thanks a lot.
-Don't mention it.
340
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,630
See you Saturday.
Oh, by the way, here's Dodger's card.
341
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,150
I'll tell him to expect you. Keep healthy.
342
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,110
Where are you going now then, home?
343
00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:32,540
No, I might as well stay here
and slash me wrist.
344
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,070
Look, I tell you what.
345
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,630
Why don't you come back with me?
I'll cook you a nice meal.
346
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,630
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
347
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,620
Here, Sid. What did those two fellows
want today in the pub?
348
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,910
MAN ON TV: And that concludes
our programmes for this evening.
349
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:01,150
It only remains for me, Joseph Gannon,
on behalf of all of us here...
350
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,630
(SID SNORING)
351
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,030
You came to my house yesterday
and took away my lavatory seat, right?
352
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,150
Who the bleeding hell are you?
How did you get in here anyway?
353
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,510
Never mind that.
Where's that bloody lavatory seat?
354
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,150
You nicked it.
We could put you inside for that.
355
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,350
-What are you talking about?
-I'll tell you what we're talking about.
356
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,590
Yesterday you came to my house to do a job
357
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:31,190
and you took my lavatory seat away with you.
I want it back.
358
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,910
It's a load of old rubbish.
I gave your wife one...
359
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,990
I mean, I gave your wife a brand new one
and she still hasn't paid for it.
360
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:42,750
Don't get funny with us, son.
You'll get this down the back of your throat.
361
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:46,390
-Where is it?
-I sold it.
362
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,150
-You what?
-Who to?
363
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,190
-A junk shop.
-He sold it to a junk shop.
364
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:58,350
Ah! That's nice. Come on, you.
365
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,630
-Where are we going?
-Where do you think?
366
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,630
-I'm not open.
-Look, I made a mistake yesterday.
367
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,830
That bog seat is a family heirloom
or something. The owner wants it back.
368
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,230
-Well, he can't have it, it's gone.
-What do you mean, gone?
369
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,710
-I've sold it.
-Oh, Christ! Who to?
370
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,220
How should I know?
I've never seen him before.
371
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,820
Now piss off. I'm going back to bed.
372
00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:45,750
-Who the hell are you?
-Never mind about that, fuzz-face.
373
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,590
If we don't get our seat back, you're for it.
374
00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:50,430
-So who was it?
-I told him, I don't know.
375
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:54,230
-Did he pay you by cheque?
-Yeah. I've still got it.
376
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:56,990
Let's have a look.
377
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:08,470
Now, we've saved ourselves a bit of trouble.
He's put his address on the back.
378
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:23,310
Right. Now get in there and get it back.
And don't forget, son, we're watching you.
379
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:24,710
What am I going to say?
380
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:28,150
You ain't been lost for words so far.
Go on, get going.
381
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,590
Clumsy sod.
382
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,310
(KNOCKING)
383
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:37,950
(MOUTHS)
384
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:50,790
I bought it legally.
I paid for it and I got a receipt.
385
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,310
But it wasn't mine to sell.
386
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,790
-Look, you changed the seat, right?
-Yeah, but it was a mistake.
387
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,590
Well, I consider that everything was in order.
388
00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:01,750
You were entitled to take it,
I'm entitled to keep it.
389
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,470
Look, you've got to sell it back to me.
If you don't, I'll...
390
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:08,510
If you don't, I'll call the police and tell them
you're receiving stolen property.
391
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,230
I was just about to let you have it.
Now I'm damned if I will.
392
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:14,790
Get out of here before I throw you out.
393
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,830
-He won't sell it back.
-Won't he?
394
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,420
Well, we'll see about that. Come on.
395
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,270
Where's your old man?
We want to talk with him.
396
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,550
-Who are you?
-Never mind who we are. Where is he?
397
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,750
I'll get him. You wait in there.
398
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,870
-Go on, then.
-Henry!
399
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,230
-Henry!
-Henry.
400
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,190
-Did you see her face? Shit scared.
-Yeah.
401
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,110
You have to show them you mean business,
don't you?
402
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,830
-Right.
-I tell you what.
403
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:25,230
We'll give him one last chance to sell it back
and if he don't, we'll do it the hard way.
404
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,750
-Do you remember that bloke we did...
-Yes, gentlemen. What can I do for...
405
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,310
-Were those the men you were talking about?
-Yeah.
406
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,110
Oh, I know them.
Right pair of villains they are.
407
00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:42,270
They made me come here.
I didn't want to threaten anyone.
408
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:45,310
Hello? Hello, Chief Inspector Wallings here.
409
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,780
Yeah. I think I've got a Iead for you
on that Union Safe deposit job.
410
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:53,270
Yeah. Pick me up at my house
as soon as you can, will you?
411
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,390
-Right, well, I'll be off, then.
-Just a minute.
412
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:03,990
You know, I believe there's more to
that lavatory seat than we thought.
413
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,990
All this fuss over a bog seat.
414
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,150
Scrape the paint off.
415
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,270
-Well?
-It's brass.
416
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,790
Just as I thought. It's gold.
417
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,510
Solid gold.
418
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,790
I'll need you down at the station.
419
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,550
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
420
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:49,710
Oh! Not you lot.
I've had just about enough for one day.
421
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,990
I'm afraid you've got another problem.
422
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,630
-What's this?
-Your eviction papers.
423
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:58,230
Sorry, but I did warn you, didn't I, Mr South?
Good day.
424
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,190
Come in.
425
00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:56,070
-Dodger Harris?
-Yeah.
426
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,590
Oh! Come in, lad. Come in, come in.
Sit down, sit down.
427
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:08,270
-Now what can I do for you?
-I need some money, fast.
428
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:13,190
-I believe you might have a few ideas.
-My head teems with them.
429
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,510
May one enquire
why you want this money fast?
430
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,270
Yeah, well, the bookies are after me
for 900 quid.
431
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,590
If I don't have the money by Saturday
at the latest...
432
00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:23,910
Oh, dear.
433
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:28,270
-Oh, you do have a problem.
-Well, that's why I'm here.
434
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,350
-Somebody recommended you to me.
-Who was this someone?
435
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:35,910
-Blackie.
-Ah! Blackie.
436
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,350
Any friend of Blackie's
is a friend of Blackie's.
437
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,030
Yeah. Well, he's not really a friend.
438
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,150
In fact it was him
who threatened to do me in.
439
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,820
Oh, dear. What experience have you got?
440
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,230
-Well, I'm a plumber.
-A plumber?
441
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,060
-Ever been in any trouble?
-No, of course not.
442
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,340
(TUTTING)
443
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,230
-That's a pity.
-Look...
444
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,870
-I don't want to do anything illegal.
-Perish the thought!
445
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,910
-Do you ever get seasick?
-Well, I'm all right in a rowing boat.
446
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,750
It's just I've got this something
447
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,630
being dropped off a fishing boat
off the South Coast.
448
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,830
I'm looking for a likely lad to pick it up.
How about that?
449
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:15,950
-What is it?
-Look, don't ask no questions.
450
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:19,750
If anybody asks you any questions,
you don't know any answers, right?
451
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:25,670
Now, you'll need a frogman's suit,
an oxygen lung
452
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,300
and you'll go down...
453
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:28,420
Phew!
454
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:29,990
...20 fathoms.
455
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,150
I can't swim.
456
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:40,390
Oh, here's something right up your street.
Jeweller's shop.
457
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:43,750
-Not a smash and grab.
-For some perhaps, but not for you.
458
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:48,420
There's a professional group,
a highIy professional group,
459
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,670
and they're looking for
a modicum of information.
460
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,910
-What sort of information?
-They want a sketch map of the basement
461
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,950
showing the water pipes,
gas mains and alarm system.
462
00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,710
And as a plumber,
you've got the perfect cover.
463
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:03,230
You just call in and say, "I'm checking
the water pressure," and you're in.
464
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,190
Well, that's not worth 900 quid, is it?
465
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,070
More or less. More or less. How about it?
466
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:13,990
What's the address?
467
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:43,100
Actually, I wasn't aware
we had any trouble with the pressure.
468
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:47,630
We can never get any hot water, though.
Maybe it's the thermostat.
469
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,750
Perhaps you would like to have a look at it
while you're down there.
470
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,150
All right.
471
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,830
Well, you don't have to hang about.
I'll call you if I need any help.
472
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,790
We're not busy. Maybe I'll learn something.
473
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:03,660
Yeah.
474
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,350
Yeah. Well, it's probabIy
475
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:10,470
your safety vaIve.
476
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:12,750
Ah.
477
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:29,990
MAN: Mr Bradley!
478
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:34,670
Oh! Look, I'll leave you to it now.
I think they need me upstairs.
479
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:41,630
(DOOR CLOSING)
480
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:54,430
Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, right, right.
Yeah. Right.
481
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,950
They say you done a good job.
They're going in tomorrow night.
482
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,860
Tomorrow night!
Can't you let me have a bit on account?
483
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:06,590
Look, the moment I get my commission,
you get your fee.
484
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:08,950
What could be fairer than that?
485
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,790
-You don't look at all well, Sid.
-Oh, I'm all right.
486
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,830
Just been up to me eyeballs in it lately,
that's all.
487
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:23,660
-You didn't mind me popping in, did you?
-No, of course not.
488
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,550
What's the matter?
489
00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:33,030
Well, Susie,
things have been a bit difficult lately.
490
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,860
What, with the bills and the rent,
things have been getting out of hand.
491
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,590
What do you mean?
492
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:45,310
Come on, you can tell me.
A trouble shared and all that.
493
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:49,750
No, you've got your own problems.
You don't want to hear about mine.
494
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:54,230
Besides, you're a bit special, Suse.
495
00:49:55,720 --> 00:49:57,030
You're not like the rest.
496
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:01,590
Sid, why can't you confide in me, eh?
I'm sure it'd help.
497
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,470
Well, maybe one day.
498
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,510
But I've got to get meself
straightened out first.
499
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:11,030
In the meantime,
I don't want you lying on my account.
500
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,310
Here, look.
501
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:19,420
-I better get some sleep.
-You could stay here, you know.
502
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,390
No, I think I'd better go home, don't you, eh?
503
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:01,710
(GRUNTING)
504
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:15,550
-Here, what's going on in there?
-I don't know.
505
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,830
-It ain't half bloody hot in here.
-Where's the safe, then?
506
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,550
I don't know. How can I see in this steam?
507
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:35,950
Come on.
508
00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:38,830
Come on...
509
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,510
(GRUNTING)
510
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,510
I bet this steam will slim you up.
511
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,820
You got your leg caught between...
512
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:51,470
(BOTH GRUNTING)
513
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,310
(ALARM SOUNDING)
514
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,510
Christ Almighty!
Let's get out of here! Get out!
515
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,830
MAN: Come on, Bert!
516
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,630
(ALARM CONTINUES)
517
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:57,390
Crappie!
518
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:03,110
-Mr Crapper.
-All right! All right!
519
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:04,910
(TOILET FLUSHING)
520
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:06,430
Oh, it's you.
521
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,780
Where did you spring from?
I thought you'd retired.
522
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:16,630
-Yeah, well, I've been busy.
-Not for me, you haven't.
523
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,150
You got any jobs, then?
524
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,820
You're dead lucky.
A coupIe of jobs come in this morning.
525
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,420
Crappie, can you lend me some money?
I'm a bit skint.
526
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:26,750
Yeah, all right, boy.
527
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:29,670
-When you've finished your jobs.
-Oh, come on, look.
528
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:34,790
-I just need a tenner, a fiver'll do.
-I must say, I do get a laugh out of you, son.
529
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:38,150
Come on.
530
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,540
-You phoned for a plumber.
-Did we?
531
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,950
Well, yeah, I think so.
532
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:01,590
Well, that'll be the wife's department.
533
00:54:01,720 --> 00:54:03,750
Maisie, the plumber's here.
534
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,430
Oh, you've come to fix the garbage disposal.
This way.
535
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:23,830
We only moved in a month ago
and nothing seems to work.
536
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,350
First it was the cooker,
537
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:30,150
then during the heatwave
the fridge went wrong. All the food went off.
538
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:33,630
Then I had a problem with my dishwasher,
smashed up all my crockery.
539
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:37,870
-You sound like the original Calamity Jane.
-You can say that again.
540
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,390
There doesn't seem
to be much wrong with this.
541
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:45,220
I don't even think it's a plumbing job.
I think you've got a wire loose here.
542
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:47,920
Look, would you mind switching it on?
543
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:50,990
(MAISIE SCREAMING)
544
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:13,350
(CLANKING)
545
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,310
(TOILET FLUSHING)
546
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:48,030
(TOILET FLUSHING)
547
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:38,990
(WOMEN CHATTERING)
548
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:43,950
(LAUGHING)
549
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:52,790
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
550
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:56,830
(WHISTLING)
551
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:01,710
(EXCLAIMING)
552
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,630
(CONTINUES WHISTLING)
553
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,270
(CHATTERING)
554
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:20,150
(WOMEN CHATTERING)
555
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:28,470
Ooh, I'm really hot. I could do with a shower.
556
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,070
Right, which one of us is going first?
557
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:32,990
-Is it all right if it's me?
-Oh, yes. Okay.
558
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:38,390
-I say, you missed a fabulous weekend.
-Well, I was supposed to come.
559
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:42,910
-Yeah. Did you go to Copenhagen?
-I skipped Copenhagen.
560
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:44,230
Did you?
561
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,310
I had a very nice weekend.
562
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:53,150
Do you remember that photographer guy
that I told you about ages ago?
563
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,150
The one that I thought
was really chic and fancy?
564
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:56,790
The one with the very tight jeans?
565
00:58:56,920 --> 00:58:58,140
-The open shirts?
-Mmm-hmm.
566
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:01,980
-Well, I got a call on Friday.
-So tell me, what happened?
567
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,420
-Well, he asked me away for the weekend.
-Yes.
568
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:07,230
So then I phoned into the agency,
cIaimed I was sick.
569
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:10,270
Scrapped Copenhagen
and we went to the New Forest.
570
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,550
-Really?
-In that snazzy little sports car of his.
571
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:16,240
You can't do much in that
because we really tried!
572
00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:17,710
So go on. What happened?
573
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:22,750
Well, that car might well be snazzy,
but it's definiteIy no love bug, I tell you.
574
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:26,030
Honestly, I think I'm so battered
and bruised from that thing,
575
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:29,540
I'll never expIain those away to Terry.
576
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,630
Anyway, so eventually,
we had to pull off the road,
577
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:36,030
-couldn't stand it any Ionger.
-Yeah, go on.
578
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:37,700
Well, I tell you one thing.
579
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:41,230
The fantasy about having it off
in a cornfieId just doesn't work.
580
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:42,870
Oh, that's impossible.
581
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,700
A, the corn's too high and B,
it's so stony you don't know what to do.
582
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:49,910
So we gave that up and I just got muddy.
583
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:53,710
But I will say one thing,
he chose a really super hoteI.
584
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,350
And you can't tell me
any guy hadn't pre-planned that.
585
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:58,190
He knew what he was doing, all right.
586
00:59:58,320 --> 01:00:00,590
Oh, the water's lovely and warm.
587
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,030
-Oh, do you know what?
-What?
588
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:09,460
The bed there was at least eight-foot wide.
589
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:11,150
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
590
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:12,950
Oh, we had a super time.
591
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,790
I tell you something,
we must have used every inch of that bed.
592
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,480
-Really?
-And do you know my fantasy?
593
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:19,820
-What?
-Yes?
594
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:23,310
Well, I really did it this time.
I went through with it.
595
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:26,710
And do you know what, it really worked.
I went into the bathroom
596
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:29,950
and I knew he thought I was going to
come out with some chic negligée on,
597
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:32,030
but I didn't. I did it, the full strip.
598
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:36,110
One stocking out the door,
two stockings out the door
599
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:39,430
and brother, did that turn him on.
Oh, do you know what?
600
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:42,150
I think after that we must have screwed
for at least four hours.
601
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:43,260
Cor!
602
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:44,710
(SCREAMING)
603
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,190
Hello.
604
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:06,950
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
605
01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:09,070
(DOOR LOCKING)
606
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:24,790
Turn that engine off.
607
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,030
I can't stop, Blackie. I'm late.
608
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,590
-Yeah. Two days late, ain't he, Stropper?
-What do you mean?
609
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:33,550
We said Saturday, remember?
610
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:35,870
We was waiting in that pub
for hours and hours.
611
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,060
Look, I've got to go.
612
01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:40,150
I've got an appointment
with a very important man.
613
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:42,710
-What are you doing?
-It's what we're going to do.
614
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:44,310
Cop that bike.
615
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:48,310
-Right, this is for starters.
-Leave that bike aIone.
616
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:53,910
BLACKIE: Get off that bike, you berk.
You ain't even got a licence.
617
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:58,470
Look, it's all fixed up.
I'm doing this job for Dodger.
618
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,790
He's going to let me have 900 quid
by the end of next week latest.
619
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:04,110
-What little job?
-I can't tell you, can I?
620
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:07,390
You know what line of business he's in.
You put me on to him.
621
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:08,740
I've learnt my bleeding lesson.
622
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:11,390
I never want to see another bookie
till the day I die.
623
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,870
That day may come sooner than you think.
624
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:18,230
Tuesday. Make it Tuesday.
I'll tell him it's a matter of life and death.
625
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:19,470
It is.
626
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:23,030
Well, look, actually,
he's giving me a thousand.
627
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:26,790
-I want you to have the other 100.
-Why?
628
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:30,310
Well, I kept you waiting, Blackie.
629
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:34,110
And I don't like owing people money, do I?
630
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:43,230
100, is it? Right, I believe you.
631
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:47,790
But you'll never see Wednesday
if you let us down on Tuesday.
632
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:51,110
Them's me last words. Hop it.
633
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:02,990
-What happened?
-The geyser overheated.
634
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:06,190
And set off the alarm
and the sprinkler system.
635
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:10,070
-Great.
-PIain bloody bad luck.
636
01:03:10,680 --> 01:03:12,230
The boys lost all their gear.
637
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:14,710
Anyway, they didn't get caught
and that's what matters.
638
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:16,390
What about me? I'm right in it.
639
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:19,670
In this game,
you take the rough with the smooth.
640
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,270
Anyway, think of the commission I lost.
641
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:26,790
Dodger, I've got other things on me mind.
I could be dead in two days.
642
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,070
We'll find something for you.
643
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:33,230
Here, look.
644
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:37,790
Ideal! You can't fail.
It's money in your pocket.
645
01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:39,230
What is it?
646
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:47,870
Christ! These are a bit strong, aren't they?
647
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,630
Well, the gentleman in question
has been a naughty boy
648
01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:54,950
and I don't suppose for one moment
he'd like the pictures to go to his dear wife.
649
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:57,640
So wander round
and offer him the negatives.
650
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:00,990
Go for the highest price.
I'd start at about 5,000.
651
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:05,630
-That's blackmail.
-Blackmail?
652
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:08,790
Blackmail, Sidney, is an ugly word.
653
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:14,630
You are a salesman, you have a commodity,
so you take it to the highest bidder.
654
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,870
If the first potential customer
doesn't want to know,
655
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,710
you go to the second potential customer.
656
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:23,830
-Sounds all right when you put it like that.
-Course it does.
657
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:28,630
This Charteris is a rich man.
He's got a string of massage parlours.
658
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:31,590
He's the answer to all your problems.
659
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:34,230
But a lot depends
on how you handle the sale.
660
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:40,990
So put on your best suit, cut a dash.
Look prosperous. Tell him it's big business.
661
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:42,710
Impress him.
662
01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:45,870
I haven't got a suit.
663
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:02,310
And under the terms of the settlement,
664
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:06,350
one half of the net profits
are incorporated in the agreement.
665
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:10,910
I am, however, negotiating a cash settlement,
but until this has been sorted out,
666
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:15,350
I'm not in a position
to discuss any new partnership agreement.
667
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:21,510
I'll be in touch with you immedlately
the situation has been ratified.
668
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:24,830
Yours sincerely, AR Charteris.
669
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:27,550
A Mr South is outside.
He'd like to have a word with you.
670
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:28,870
Oh, who the hell is he?
671
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:31,380
You know I don't see anybody
except by appointment.
672
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:33,430
But I told him and he wouldn't go away.
673
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:36,990
He asked me to give you this.
He said you'd understand.
674
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:39,860
Yes. I think I do understand.
675
01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:42,710
Show Mr South in, will you?
676
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:47,470
Ooh, by the way, what's Belinda doing?
677
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:51,190
Oh, well, nothing at the moment.
One of her clients just cancelled.
678
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:53,880
-Mr Charteris will see you.
-Ah, Mr...
679
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:58,390
-South.
-Mr South. Now, while I'm getting dressed,
680
01:05:59,520 --> 01:06:02,670
I'd like you to enjoy a vigorating massage
on the house.
681
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:04,670
No, thanks. I've come to discuss business.
682
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:06,910
Yes, of course,
but I'd like you to be completely reIaxed,
683
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:10,470
so you'll be in a better condition
to discuss business.
684
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:15,230
Yeah, all right.
685
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:20,630
But I'm a busy man, Mr Charteris.
I want to get this matter over and done with.
686
01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:24,350
I hope you fully appreciate
the delicacy of the situation.
687
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:29,230
-You are a reasonable man, I understand.
-Oh, I am, Mr South. I am.
688
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:33,100
Just lie down there and enjoy yourself.
689
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:36,030
Come and see me in my office
when you've finished.
690
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:40,110
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
691
01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:44,900
(SIGHING)
692
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:49,510
What's your name then, eh?
693
01:06:51,960 --> 01:06:54,630
Not speaking? That's all right.
694
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:58,710
I like a bit of mystery in my women,
not too much, though.
695
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:00,430
Ooh, that's nice.
696
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:04,260
Oh!
697
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:08,470
(SID SIGHING)
698
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:12,390
Ooh! I'll tell you what.
699
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:15,750
You can eat crackers in my bed any time, eh?
700
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:27,950
Oh, Christ!
701
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:29,830
(SID GROANING)
702
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:37,790
My leg! You're breaking me leg!
You'll break me leg!
703
01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:42,950
Get off! Get off! Oh, get off!
704
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:44,510
(SID COUGHING)
705
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,630
No! No, no, no. No! No!
706
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:53,990
No, no! Not that! No!
707
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:55,630
(SCREAMING)
708
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:03,780
Easy!
709
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:14,910
Enjoying yourself?
710
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:18,470
And that'll teach you to try blackmailing me,
you little bastard.
711
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:20,510
And you can tell whoever it was
who sent you
712
01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:22,630
that they can stuff
the rest of those photographs
713
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:25,750
because they're not worth
the paper they're printed on.
714
01:08:25,880 --> 01:08:27,550
Well, your wife! What about your wife?
715
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:30,670
I haven't got one.
We were divorced a year ago.
716
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:35,590
Hello, Dodger.
717
01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:42,430
Charteris was divorced a year ago.
Why don't you get your records straight?
718
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:45,150
-I nearly had me bleeding neck broken.
-The story of my life, Sidney.
719
01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:47,070
I never could get nothing straight.
720
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:50,150
I'm not interested in your life, Dodger.
I'm at death's door.
721
01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:52,310
Well, don't panic, Sidney. I mean, I'll...
722
01:08:52,440 --> 01:08:53,950
Old Dodger
will pull something out of the hat.
723
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:57,030
-How do you think I've survived so far?
-That's a bloody good question.
724
01:08:57,160 --> 01:09:00,270
Look, I've got something special
for you, Sidney.
725
01:09:01,820 --> 01:09:04,610
A certain gentleman,
whose name cannot be divulged,
726
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:07,250
but who is not short
of a small fortune or two,
727
01:09:07,580 --> 01:09:10,850
is desirous of laying his hands
on a certain work of art.
728
01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:13,180
-Eh?
-Have you heard of Picasso?
729
01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:17,310
Now look,
I'm not having anything to do with the Mafia.
730
01:09:17,440 --> 01:09:22,270
Mafia! He's pig ignorant.
Picasso is one of the greatest painters ever.
731
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:26,430
And one of his masterpieces is hanging on
the wall of a mansion not very far from here.
732
01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:28,620
Go on.
733
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:31,670
I want you, dear Sidney,
to obtain it by fair means or foul.
734
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:36,310
And hang in its place this copy,
which I've had prepared at great expense.
735
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,110
Oh, you're not asking me
to pinch a painting?
736
01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:43,230
I'm not asking you to pinch a painting.
I'm asking you to arrange a swapping.
737
01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:46,070
-And what happens when they find out?
-Find out?
738
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:49,510
They couldn't tell a Picasso
from a giraffe's arse-o.
739
01:09:52,120 --> 01:09:55,230
-How do I get into the place?
-Pull the old Water Board routine again.
740
01:09:55,360 --> 01:09:56,950
Say you've gone round
to check the water pressure
741
01:09:57,080 --> 01:09:58,950
and while you're at it, suss the joint out.
742
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:02,950
Then, having secreted this copy
somewhere about your person,
743
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:05,750
at the appropriate moment, swap it.
744
01:10:08,400 --> 01:10:10,030
-Swap it?
-Swap it.
745
01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:12,710
And this time, nothing can go wrong.
746
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:15,470
Old Dodger gives you
his personal guarantee.
747
01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:17,870
After all, it's only a swapping.
748
01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:53,470
(MUSIC PLAYING)
749
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:02,110
What are you doing standing there
without a drink in your hand?
750
01:11:02,240 --> 01:11:06,270
Sex alive, there's enough liquor
around here to sink a battleship.
751
01:11:06,700 --> 01:11:09,430
Lucinda, honey! There.
752
01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:14,470
No one shall ever say Loretta Proudfoot
lacks one iota of Southern hospitality.
753
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:17,830
Even though she is
6,000 miles away from home.
754
01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:19,310
Oh, you're Mrs Proudfoot?
755
01:11:19,440 --> 01:11:22,790
Oh! I'm sorry, honey.
I thought you were a guest.
756
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:26,620
-Oh, no, I'm a plumber.
-A plumber. Did I call for a plumber?
757
01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:30,790
Well, the council sent me.
Your water pressure's all over the place.
758
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:34,590
Loretta, darling.
You've been holding out on me.
759
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:36,670
Where have you been hiding this one?
760
01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:39,360
LORETTA: This is Hubert,
one of my dearest friends.
761
01:11:39,480 --> 01:11:42,390
-Hubert, meet...
-Sid.
762
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,830
Oh! What a lovely name.
763
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:50,270
-LORETTA: He's a plumber.
-A plumber! How interesting.
764
01:11:50,400 --> 01:11:53,940
Well, you can shove your plunger
round my S-bend any day.
765
01:11:56,280 --> 01:12:00,510
-I'll hit you over the bleeding head with it.
-Ooh! Any time.
766
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:04,390
He's so butch, dear.
I'll see you later, heart-face.
767
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:11,550
You must forgive Hubert.
He's not afraid to say exactly how he feels.
768
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:13,310
That's all right. It don't bother me.
769
01:12:13,440 --> 01:12:16,550
Good. Because I believe
in everybody being themseIves.
770
01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:21,460
My late husband, who was a psychiatrist,
always said
771
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:26,350
the trouble with the world
was sexual frustration.
772
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:29,030
Very true.
773
01:12:29,160 --> 01:12:31,460
So every now and again,
I like to have a little get-together
774
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:34,990
where all my friends
can lose all their inhibitions.
775
01:12:35,120 --> 01:12:38,820
Well, yeah.
You mean, sort of, let it all hang out.
776
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:43,430
Exactly. Oh, Robin, honey, this is Sid.
777
01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:47,790
My! Samantha's got a sparkle
in her eye tonight, haven't you, honey?
778
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:51,870
She's sparkling at everybody.
I can't keep her away from the men.
779
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:54,700
And you know what I'm like, I get so jealous.
780
01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:58,710
I was in two minds about coming tonight,
but she insisted, didn't you, dear?
781
01:12:58,840 --> 01:13:01,670
Oh, she couldn't wait to lose her inhibitions.
782
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:04,550
The moment she stepped into the room
she took all her clothes off.
783
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:08,110
With a body like that,
how can you bIame her?
784
01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:10,950
Hasn't she got the most beautiful shape?
785
01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:15,190
-Fantastic, yeah.
-Tell me,
786
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:18,750
-do you think I was right to bring her?
-Yeah.
787
01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:22,510
I know why you're saying that.
You fancy her yourself, don't you?
788
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:23,950
Now, now, Robin,
789
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:28,150
Sid is not a man to step in between
two people who love each other.
790
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:31,310
You really must try to stop being so jealous,
791
01:13:31,440 --> 01:13:35,220
and I mustn't keep you
from your duties for one moment longer.
792
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:15,660
Enjoying yourself, honey? Fine.
793
01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:19,550
By the way,
what actually is wrong with my water?
794
01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:24,790
Well, it's not running properly.
It's throwing the whole area out of balance.
795
01:14:25,480 --> 01:14:26,830
(SHRIEKING)
796
01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:36,630
Excuse me.
797
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:40,830
Excuse me!
798
01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:43,270
-You've got my plunger.
-Your what?
799
01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:45,830
Well, it's stuck to your ar...
Well, I'll have to have it back.
800
01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:47,310
Do you mind?
801
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:50,750
Well, I've got to get it back.
802
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:06,230
Okay, everyone, it's time to go fishing.
Now, you all know the rules.
803
01:15:06,360 --> 01:15:09,690
Each one of you
has to fish for his or her partner.
804
01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:13,350
And once you've hooked them,
they're yours for the night.
805
01:15:13,480 --> 01:15:16,750
One, two, three, everyone into the water!
806
01:15:30,440 --> 01:15:32,310
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
807
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:14,270
Hey, no! Oh, no, no! Look.
808
01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:17,830
Look, I'm only the plumber.
I'm only the plumber!
809
01:16:17,960 --> 01:16:20,390
I'm only the plumber!
810
01:16:29,520 --> 01:16:33,630
Ah! My Picasso's in the water.
Somebody fish it out. The colours'll run.
811
01:16:35,600 --> 01:16:39,870
You, you took it.
You're not a plumber, you're a thief.
812
01:16:40,400 --> 01:16:43,150
The police. Somebody ring for the police!
813
01:16:43,520 --> 01:16:47,270
-I'm not a thief, it belongs to me.
-Belongs to you! It's mine.
814
01:16:47,400 --> 01:16:50,470
There's not another like it
in the whole wide world.
815
01:16:50,600 --> 01:16:54,110
Your bleeding Picasso's hanging on the wall.
Turn around, have a look.
816
01:16:55,240 --> 01:16:57,700
Well, what's that doing there, then?
817
01:16:58,640 --> 01:17:01,950
-Well, it's not worth tuppence, it's a copy.
-A copy!
818
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:05,240
I know what you were gonna do!
819
01:17:11,520 --> 01:17:12,710
(POPS)
820
01:17:14,560 --> 01:17:15,950
(AIR HISSING)
821
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:18,620
Samantha!
822
01:17:19,600 --> 01:17:21,150
He's killed her.
823
01:17:22,440 --> 01:17:24,030
He's done her in.
824
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:31,590
-Ah! You got it.
-No, I didn't get it.
825
01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:36,030
-Well, why not?
-There was a party going on
826
01:17:36,160 --> 01:17:38,620
and one thing led to another
and I didn't do the swap.
827
01:17:38,760 --> 01:17:41,630
Look, Dodger, I'm not interested
in any more of your little schemes.
828
01:17:42,760 --> 01:17:46,030
As much as I need the money,
I don't fancy spending next Christmas inside.
829
01:17:46,160 --> 01:17:48,790
Oh, well, Sidney, remember the old saying.
830
01:17:48,920 --> 01:17:52,620
"If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, try again."
831
01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:55,060
I'm not trying anything else. That's final.
832
01:17:55,200 --> 01:17:58,740
Oh, that's a shame, Sidney.
'Cause I've got a smasher here.
833
01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:02,190
You couldn't go wrong with this one.
Tower of London.
834
01:18:04,840 --> 01:18:06,950
Dodger, stuff it.
835
01:18:35,120 --> 01:18:36,630
-Good morning.
-MAN: Morning.
836
01:18:37,760 --> 01:18:40,140
-Do you buy bikes?
-Yeah.
837
01:18:41,120 --> 01:18:43,580
Well, what about this mighty machine
out here, eh?
838
01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,590
I'll have a look at it.
839
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:04,390
Done a lot of mileage, hasn't it?
840
01:19:04,520 --> 01:19:08,190
It just goes to show how honest I am.
I could have easily fixed the clock.
841
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:12,470
-The tyres are well worn.
-Oh, come on. What's a couple of tyres?
842
01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:14,630
What do you want, part exchange?
843
01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:18,460
Well, no. I've got to sell it actually.
I don't want to, but I've got no choice.
844
01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:20,110
Need money in a hurry, do you?
845
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:23,750
No, no.
I know this geezer who's selling a sports car.
846
01:19:23,880 --> 01:19:25,150
Real bargain.
847
01:19:25,280 --> 01:19:28,350
But unless I give him the money today,
no go.
848
01:19:28,480 --> 01:19:30,670
Where's the registration book?
849
01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:37,350
-Any hire purchase on it?
-Yeah, why?
850
01:19:38,160 --> 01:19:40,750
-How many payments have you made?
-Two.
851
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:45,030
You can't sell it. It's not yours to sell.
852
01:19:46,080 --> 01:19:48,830
Well, it's my property. I bought it, didn't I?
853
01:19:48,960 --> 01:19:52,550
It's not your property
until you've made the last payment.
854
01:19:53,720 --> 01:19:56,910
-Do you mean I can't sell it anywhere?
-It's not yours to sell.
855
01:19:57,040 --> 01:20:01,150
You try selling that bike to anybody else
and you'll get put inside.
856
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:07,510
-Oh, you're not going away.
-Yeah. I've come to say goodbye.
857
01:20:07,640 --> 01:20:11,630
I've got myself a job on one of them oil rigs.
I'll be earning thousands.
858
01:20:11,760 --> 01:20:15,830
I suppose that's good news.
When do you leave?
859
01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:17,990
Today.
860
01:20:19,440 --> 01:20:22,910
-Wish I could come with you.
-Well, I'll be back in a few months.
861
01:20:24,040 --> 01:20:26,340
My pockets will be bulging.
We'll have a great time.
862
01:20:26,480 --> 01:20:28,670
Go everywhere, see everything.
863
01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:30,790
MAN: 20 Dunhills, please.
864
01:21:38,720 --> 01:21:41,510
Just going down the bank to get the money.
865
01:21:41,640 --> 01:21:43,610
That's all right.
We'll walk down there with you.
866
01:21:43,640 --> 01:21:46,300
Keep you company, won't we, Stropper?
867
01:21:48,560 --> 01:21:50,860
You still don't trust me, do you, eh?
868
01:21:51,000 --> 01:21:53,460
I'm not going to emigrate.
It's only 1,000 quid.
869
01:21:53,600 --> 01:21:56,110
Well, that's all right.
We'll still walk down there with you.
870
01:21:56,240 --> 01:21:57,870
Guv'nor's orders.
871
01:21:58,720 --> 01:22:00,950
Yeah, well, you don't have to
put yourselves out.
872
01:22:01,080 --> 01:22:04,230
You sound like
you don't want us with you, Sid.
873
01:22:04,360 --> 01:22:06,990
You're not trying anything on, are you?
874
01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:09,910
Don't tear his clothes.
875
01:22:10,040 --> 01:22:13,350
They'll be worth a few quid
when we get them off him.
876
01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:18,590
On second thoughts.
877
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:22,830
Come on, Blackie. The bank'll be closed.
878
01:22:22,960 --> 01:22:26,390
So what? You ain't got nothing in it.
I ain't thick.
879
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:29,750
What's in the bag?
880
01:22:29,880 --> 01:22:33,580
Well, it's me laundry.
I pass the laundry on the way to the bank.
881
01:22:33,720 --> 01:22:35,030
Open it up.
882
01:22:42,240 --> 01:22:43,870
You're dead right.
883
01:22:46,040 --> 01:22:47,790
You ain't emigrating.
884
01:22:47,920 --> 01:22:51,190
They don't take cripples
in these foreign countries.
885
01:22:52,360 --> 01:22:55,350
Stropper, your moment has come.
886
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:03,610
-I never did you any harm.
-I didn't say you did. It's me job, innit?
887
01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:11,300
You never gave me a chance.
You didn't give me enough time.
888
01:23:11,440 --> 01:23:15,530
You're breaking me bleeding heart. Stropper!
889
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:21,350
Mister, this is private business.
890
01:23:21,480 --> 01:23:23,550
My apologies,
but I have to speak to Mr South.
891
01:23:23,680 --> 01:23:27,990
-So do we and we saw him first.
-I'm from the Bovine Insurance Company.
892
01:23:28,120 --> 01:23:31,270
-He won't be needing any. Push off!
-I'm not selling insurance.
893
01:23:31,400 --> 01:23:33,230
Here, don't I know you?
894
01:23:34,360 --> 01:23:38,510
I was at the police station when you
made a statement about that lavatory seat.
895
01:23:38,640 --> 01:23:41,270
-Oh, that's right, yeah. I remember.
-Lavatory seat?
896
01:23:41,400 --> 01:23:45,990
I'm pleased to inform you, Mr South,
that you are due for a reward. £1,000.
897
01:23:46,120 --> 01:23:49,310
For giving information
leading to the recovery of stolen property.
898
01:23:49,440 --> 01:23:52,000
Now if you'll just sign this receipt.
899
01:23:54,080 --> 01:23:56,030
Turn your back, Stropper.
900
01:24:02,400 --> 01:24:05,830
My apologies for the interruption, gentlemen.
Good day.
901
01:24:07,880 --> 01:24:10,950
-1,000 quid.
-Where's your bank?
902
01:24:14,360 --> 01:24:15,910
Mr Rockefeller.
903
01:24:16,080 --> 01:24:20,710
-Hello, boy. I heard all about your windfall.
-Yeah, so did the bookies. Took the lot.
904
01:24:20,840 --> 01:24:22,630
Come on, Crappie. I'm back in the market.
905
01:24:22,760 --> 01:24:25,030
-Got anything?
-Nothing. Get out.
906
01:24:27,960 --> 01:24:30,790
-I'm desperate. I'll do anything.
-Anything?
907
01:24:37,120 --> 01:24:38,870
-Anything?
-Yeah.
908
01:24:39,560 --> 01:24:41,790
I've got something to show you.
909
01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:47,020
What is it?
910
01:24:47,160 --> 01:24:49,590
It's a new mechanical pipe and drain cleaner.
911
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:52,180
-I'm starting a new service.
-Drains?
912
01:24:52,320 --> 01:24:53,380
-Yeah.
-Not with me, you're not.
913
01:24:53,520 --> 01:24:55,110
Here, hang about.
914
01:24:55,240 --> 01:24:57,800
I was thinking of putting you
in soIe charge of this.
915
01:24:57,920 --> 01:24:59,990
-Only because you can't get anyone else.
-Yeah.
916
01:25:00,120 --> 01:25:01,390
No!
917
01:25:01,520 --> 01:25:04,030
Oh, look here.
Look, somebody's got to do it, haven't they?
918
01:25:04,160 --> 01:25:07,270
It'll be a good rate of pay. Plenty of overtime.
919
01:25:09,560 --> 01:25:11,390
-All right.
-Good boy.
920
01:25:12,520 --> 01:25:15,790
You get to learn how to handle that machine,
boy, you'll earn a lot of money.
921
01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:20,750
It does the work ten times faster.
Here, try it out on our drains here.
922
01:25:23,320 --> 01:25:25,110
Get a bit of practice.
923
01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:37,350
-Hello, stranger.
-Wotcha, Suse?
924
01:25:38,640 --> 01:25:41,870
Yeah, well, life has been
a bit complicated lately.
925
01:25:42,000 --> 01:25:44,670
Yeah, I know. I heard all about your troubles.
926
01:25:44,800 --> 01:25:47,260
Eh, we are still friends, aren't we?
927
01:25:50,080 --> 01:25:54,390
Yeah, of course we're still friends.
Here, flick that switch, will you?
928
01:26:11,320 --> 01:26:13,030
(CRAPPER SCREAMING)